Unintentionally Naughty, parts 1 and 2

part one:
"You can put your pie in my fridge."

part two:
"My ice cream is melting. We need to do it soon."

related, by marriage

Three thoughts from my day today, with a tiny thread of commonality linking each one:

1. Instead of saying "specifically", my boss says "pacifically".
2. Austin Scarlett looks like a co-worker of mine, sans boobs.
3. Why are all the commercials during Project Runway for OLD PEOPLE? Do they think that because it's on Lifetime only 50+ year old people watch the show?

You can't handle the tooth

Baby's got the gingivitis.

good food

I had some friends over this evening and it was not as satisfying as I had hoped it would be. Maybe I build these things up too much in my head. Maybe I'm not a good host. It makes me sad and I feel alienated from them. I just want to be with my boyfriend.

the gang's all here

When the guy working at Carl's Jr. asked me if I wanted ketchup, I said that I wanted 2 ranch dressings. To drive my point home, I held up two fingers on my left hand. But instead of going with the traditional peace sign gesture, I turned my palm towards my body and tilted my hand to the right. So I'm pretty sure I threw the guy a gang sign. La Raza, bitches. Or something like that.

I'll be the judge of that

reflective sunglasses, especially the ones that are tinted yellow = douchebag

work notes

1. Yesterday I farted at work and it sounded like a duck. No one was around to hear it.
2. I'm working amidst the Jets and the Sharks. Actually, based on the way they are acting, calling them the Hatfields and McCoys is more appropriate.

You can give me the stink eye all you want little lady, but I'm not the one using the public computer.

xo

I love you. Very much.

cheese with my whine

I was introduced to Clients From Hell today and I ran across this post. I'm pretty sure that they had me in mind when they were posting it.

love letter

Dear B,

I ran across this note that you left in a customer's account:

"B read the note returned with the late book and was not impressed with the feeble and ridiculous attempt to pass it off as being written by a 5 year old. Regardless of any potential subterfuge, the excuse was far from sound and B recommends the fine remain in full."

I love you.

Sincerely,
Nellee

How I Did Your Mother

I'm not the kind of girl to kiss and tell, but I had a sex dream last night that involved myself and Ted Mosby.
Yeah, that's right.
I had a sex dream about a TV character. Not the actor who plays him, but the character.

The Name Game

Patrons that I have bestowed nicknames upon (because
I don't actually know their names):

Buster Poindexter
The Gambler
Janis Joplin
John Bender
K-PAX
Stinky Pants Dad

A real LOL riot

I hate it when people tack on "lol" at the end of some lame statement. I highly doubt that whatever it is that they have just written truly made them lol. It feels phony and it's fucking annoying.

foul weather friends

I just spent an hour scrolling through Facebook and looking at people that I went to high school with, and it really put me in a foul mood. Just looking at their pictures made me dislike them all over again.

yawn

Glad Påsk

This year Easter for my family meant an interesting white trash lunch at a chain restaurant, working a few Sudoku puzzles and then watching Let The Right One In in a dark room by myself. The movie was kind of lame. It was originally in Swedish and dubbed into English, so it was like watching a freaky Pippi Longstocking movie. But have no fear all ye who hate dubbed movies! According to Wikipedia an English language version will be released later this year. I guess I'm just ahead of the curve.
So... Happy Easter.

word

Listening to NPR tonight and heard this on the "karaoke" show.

It's brilliant.

The dictionaraoke site doesn't seem to be up, but I think it may have something to do with the increased traffic rather than a permanent problem. (Fingers crossed.)

yabba dabba do?

Saw a picture of Mikhail Baryshnikov and (insert sexy growl here).
But his feet. Lord, his feet.
They looked like Fred Flintstone's.

gag me with a Cheeto

I'm not sure who the asshole is who thought that the Flamin' Hot Cheetos was a good idea, but I would like to punch him in the face. Those things taste nasty and are hotter then hell. How is a girl supposed to enjoy her pity party of Cheetos and Cape Cods?

I am going to write my senator about this.




p.s. I'm a little, just a little bit, heavily buzzed.

goin' green

Happy St. Patrick's Day, mon chou

pen is envy

I am a ginormous fan of Regretsy and today someone posted a link of reviews for a ballpoint pen on Amazon.co.uk. I haven't read through all 20 pages yet, but so far, they are pretty goddamned funny. So funny, in fact, that I am more than just a little bit jealous. I don't know what's in the water over there, but gimme some.

eye of the tiger

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

Moondoggie

No mechanic or credit card company stories to regale you with from this past Monday. But I was slightly sick starting on Sunday so I guess that I still had a crappy Monday. (Pun intended. Yes indeed.)

I'm only 3 days away from my next adventure!


p.s. according to WikiAnswers, the word Monday "originates from the Angl0-Saxon monandaeg, "the moon's day". This day was sacred to the goddess of the moon."
Which made me think of the character Moondoggie, from Gidget. Hence the, you know, title.

all aboard!

I spent an enjoyable day with the family. We took my nephew to ride the mini train with the Orange County Model Engineers, Inc. According the their brochure, there are 20,000 feet of track located over 40 acres of property. The property that the small trains run over is simple green grass dotted with trees. It's a no-frills operation.

The train ride was quite and peaceful. I was a wonderful experience and I wished that I lived closer so that I could visit more often.

If you live in Orange County I highly recommend visiting them. Please take a look at their website for more info.

ain't no trans am

I'm not sure why, but I am fascinated by people who are transvestites or who are transgendered. I am happiest when I spot a cross dresser who is trying to pass as a man/woman. And when I say "fascinated", I don't mean in a sideshow way. I admire anyone who is willing to take the steps to make themselves happy. But, I just want to be their friend.

Wow.
Anyone know a good therapist for moi?

rain

Early this morning it rained so hard, I could hear it running off of the roof. I wish that I could wake up to that sound more often.

I'll tell you why I don't like Mondays

Today I had to rumble with my mechanic. He made a supremely stupid mistake and then has tried to play victim when it comes to shelling out the dough to fix his mistake.
Call the waaahmbulance, señior.
Sigh.
It seems that Mondays for me are very bad indeed.
I'm hoping that since next Monday is a holiday, I'll get a breather.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

(not so) fantastic, made of plastic

I use plastic sandwich bags every day and I feel so guilty about it. Does anyone have any recommendations for an alternate container? I know that there's Tupperware and all sorts of plastic containers out there, but I wonder if the continued exposure to hot water will be harmful in the long run.

giving credit where credit is due

I have set many goals for myself for 2010 and most of them are connected to my finances. Since May of 2009 I have gotten rid of a gym membership, a storage unit and garage sale-d alot of stuff I just don't need. I've been making progress in paying down my two credit cards and I expect to pay at least one of them off this year.

Today I tried to do a balance transfer with a BofA credit card. Instead of raising my credit limit to allow the transfer, they actually lowered it. Which makes me look like an irresponsible credit card holder, and will surely have a domino effect on both cards and could ultimately ruin a very excellent credit score.

Sure, I'm not planning on purchasing a house, but I do plan on moving and I bet any new landlord will see this mess and I could get denied an apartment.

So Bank of America, I'm making you my priority now. I'm paying you off and closing you out. You've left a very bad taste in my mouth. I won't forget it, either.

I am done.