Thursday, December 31, 2009

Auld Lang Syne

Raising our glasses in a toast to the new year, our host proclaimed with swagger
"F*ck 2009!"

And ladies and gentlemen, I couldn't agree more.

Happy New Year

Sunday, December 27, 2009

muscat love

Its translucent color so alluring and taste and
aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring
feelings of a graceful lady. Enjoy soft and
juicy Kasugai Muscat Gummy.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


You know how when you're talking to someone who has bad breath, but you don't know it yet, so you stand at a normal distance from them, and then they say something or laugh and their nasty bad breath shoots out of their mouth and then you get a whiff of it, but you can't move back fast enough without making them feel really self conscience so you move back subtly, but it's too late anyway and you've already smelled the bad breath and maybe can even taste it?
Did you consider that you are actually swallowing that bad breath and now it's inside your body?
"It's so tasty too!"

Saturday, November 28, 2009

belly up to the bar

I work with a woman that I suspect is a highly functioning alcoholic. Almost daily, she throws out a comment about her drinking, as if she was commenting on the color of the sky. I've decided, as a homage, that I am going to make a drinking game out of her alcohol-related comments.

I think she'd like that.

Friday, November 20, 2009

tee-hee with a side of boiled bunny

Is it weird or wrong for me to have a crush on the show 30 Rock? Because I do. I have such a thing for that show that if it were a person, I would find out where they lived and drive past their house, hoping to catch a glimpse of them. If we were in high school, I'd leave secret admirer notes in their locker. I might even send them flowers.

In case it wasn't obvious, I was kind of stalkery with my crushes back in the day.

Monday, November 9, 2009

if punching is wrong, I don't want to be right

Is it wrong that sometimes I just want to punch certain people?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

green with

This blog. I- I don't have words to describe how amazingly original and creative (sorry, redundant) and clever it is. It is what I wanted to do, but never had the creativity to start. I love it. And I hate it. Because I am a shallow, insecure person.

You must visit it, and bask in all of its pop culture glory: Slaughterhouse 90210

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

zoom zoom

I drafted crazy on my way home tonight.

Monday, August 31, 2009


Last night I had a dream that was so magical and wonderful, it made my heart ache. Now that I'm awake, though, I can only remember fragments: a woman named Lily, watching the sun rise and set, wild parties, a shrine in the canyon and generations of family and friends and it was wonderful. It was the movie "Big Fish" mixed with....well, another film that was in my mind early this morning but now is forgotten.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

i am (watching) the arm

I find myself increasingly aware of arm hair. This isn't some freaky turn on or anything, but my eyes are drawn to peoples' arms constantly, like I'm cataloging it in my mind. I'm hoping that this is a passing thing, like the time I was obsessed with watching QVC and HSN.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

three things you should know

1. I would love to be a backup singer for a band.
2. I make a damn good deviled egg.
3. I don't like to be barefoot, but walking around in socks is a-okay.

one, two, three

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

those darn kids

Today I listened to a little boy make this short, repetitive whining sound while his mother chose to ignore him rather than leave the building. The longer I heard it, the more it sounded like the Villainous Ghost that haunts the docks in a Scooby Doo cartoon. If only.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

enjoying the stillness

More and more, hearing the sounds of daily life around me- distant traffic, the breeze in an open window or my neighbors talking in their backyard- have satisfied me in ways that listening to my favorite music cannot.

Friday, August 14, 2009


Astonishingly, it feels like Fall in the middle of August.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

channeling Jamie Stemple Buchman

Today I wore dark grey pants and white tennis shoes to work. It wasn't until I was halfway through my day that I realized that I was sporting Helen Hunt's look from "Mad About You." And I couldn't decide if I should be embarrassed by that or not.


On a side note: does anyone still call athletic shoes the generic name of "tennis shoes" anymore? Is that the equivalent of saying "record store"?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

ice cream blouse

Today a co-worker wore a blouse of the palest pink and I wanted to tell her that it made me think of ice cream and the soda fountain of Ray Bradbury's "Dandelion Wine". I didn't though, because I wasn't sure if she would see the compliment in my statement.

Friday, June 26, 2009

To be put in the classifieds:

To the guy who was driving too fast in stop-and-go traffic and almost rear-ended me:
Fuck you asshole. And your mother.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

not even a face a mother could love

I just stumbled upon the phenomenon known as "reborn dolls".

They are the kind of dolls that comes alive at night and kill their "parents".
Those dolls are fucking freaky.

Google it.
I dare you.
(Insert maniacal laughter of Vincent Price at the end of Thriller.)

something that I love

I love cleaning the magnetic swiper because then the books just zoom off of it.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Nutella, my love

I have my moments where I want smear Nutella all over my face like a Nutella facial. Or at the very least, eat a whole jar in one sitting.